So much for a daily dose! It's been awhile. I haven't felt like doing anything lately. At first I thought it was just the weather making me feel crappy, but I think it's more than that. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings, and when I don't I just bottle them up inside. Then it has a way of boiling over when it reaches a certain point, and I'm left feeling miserable. I know myself enough to realize I'm this way, but yet I still do it anyway. I've been like this forever. Growing up I always kept a diary. It somehow alway made me feel better to write my feelings down. Just to spew all of the shit onto paper and get it off my chest was theraputic. I'm hoping this blog will help in the same sense. I think advise and insights from other people won't hurt either.

Right now I have two major bugs up my ass! I'm really hating my custody situation with Bj(ex-husband), and I'm not happy with where my career is at. Our custody agreement is this: we each have her every other week. Going a whole week without the child I created inside of me is sooooo hard! I just long for her when she isn't here with me. It's like I'm not complete when she isn't here. As much as it hurts I know it's selfish of me to feel this way. I should be thrilled for her that she has a father, and family that loves her and wants to be there for her as much as I do. Still, it totally sucks. I have goods weeks with this and bad weeks. It's been a bad week! It doesn't help that I'm on the fence about my work situation, and I'm stressing about that as well. I like the people I work with, but I just don't think it's where I need to be. I'm thinking I would be a lot happier if I had my own studio to work out of. To be able to focus on my work without the distraction would be good for me. I need to find my direction. I'm nervous about going off on my own though. Yikes! My coworkers have become my close friends, and I worry about hard feelings. Also the financial aspect of it worries me! Oh how I wish life were easier. Working through tough situations is what makes me stronger though, so wish me luck! I've got to do something to get out of this funk, and get back to being a ball of sunshine!!!!!